ATTN: Everyone is sick and dying

Be careful what you wish for.


Just two months ago, I was desperately seeking a job. Now I have one, and I'm desperately seeking retirement.


I currently am working as a receptionist/secretary/front desk clerk, whatever you want to call it, at my dad's personal doctor's office. Not by choice I must add. His part time employee quit suddenly, and I was the first (and only) candidate available. Wo....ho. I've done this job before, when he first opened his practice about a year ago. I would often come home crying and ready to pull my hair out--so naturally, I was super excited to go back for a second round.


I know I complain a lot about being sick and often even use the phrase, "I'm dying." But seriously, the people that come into my dad's office do not even remotely compare to my dramatic antics. I have never realized how needy people are!!! If they feel one ounce of pain, they need medication "IMMEDIATELY." No really, like "ASAP." Like if you don't call it in now" I WILL COLLAPSE FROM THE DIRE EXCRUCIATING PAIN." If you're in that much pain, wouldn't you think to go to the emergency room or something? Clearly your perfectly capable enough to make a "dying" phone call.


Another thing is--do you people not understand the difference between receptionist and psychologist? I'll schedule you an appt, I'll cancel your appt, I will take a message for the doctor, I will contact you with the nurse, but I cannot sit on the phone for hours listening to your sob story. I know I sound like a terrible heartless person, but I can only give examples to explain my coldness and annoyance.


Example 1:
"Doctors Office, Stephanie speaking."
"Hi Stephanie. Is this the doctor's office??"--No, I just like saying doctor's office when I pick up the phone..
"Yes it is, how can I help you?"
"I need a perscription."
"Ok, what medication do  you need?"
"You know Stephanie, because I'm in terrible pain. And I ran out of my medicine."
"Ok, what is the name of the medication?"
"And you know, when I'm at work I can't take it. Stephanie, then my boss wants me to do all this work, but he doesn't pay me enough. And then my husband.."
"I understand, what is the name of the medication?
"Yes Stephanie, and my husband and my kids they just don't appreciate my work.."
     This goes on for about 20 minutes, and she never gives me the name or the medication or the pharmacy. Instead she says, "Oh it's that blue big round pill, and I get it from that pharmacy on Mountain round. There are about 4 different pharmacies on this road, and countless, "blue big round pills." I now know her whole life story, and she knows my name really well-- but have no information I actually neeed.


Example 2:
"I'm soooooo sick. Can I see the doctor today?" (Wimpy *Cough *cough)
"Unfortunately, he's completly booked today, would you like to make an appt. for later this week?"
"Oh, but I'm soooo sick, it has to be today."
"Well.."
"You see I can't sleep at night because I'm just so sick, and my daughter's away, she's in California, and--"
"If you would like I can call you if someone cancels today."
"Oh I can't, I'm so sick, I need to see him now. My daughter's away, in California, and I feel awful, and-"
"I'm going to try to fit you in at the end of the day. That's the best I can do. Do you have insurance, mam?
"No..but I"
"Ok, well without insurance it is a copay of $100."
"That much??"
"Yes."
"Oh, you know I'm going to wait then. I'm going to wait for my daughter. Because right she's in California--"
"Ok then, have a nice day!"
    Suddenly she wasn't "soooooo sick" anymore.


Example 3:
"Can you mail my perscription to me?"
"Unfortunately, we do not do mail-in's. You will have to pick it up."
"Oh, really, not at all."
"No, I'm sorry about that."
"Oh it's just that I live in annapolis, and you guys are sooo far from me."--Annapolis is 15 min. away...If it was that far, why would you come to this office?
"Oh, well--"
"And gas is so expensive these days, and my car is always stopping on me. And then I have to pay so much money at the shop--"
I tell her to hold please, roll my eyes, complain to the medical assistant about it, and ask her opinion. We both agree this is ridiculous. When I pick up, I realize she's still been talking this whole time.
"...I just hate drivers. That was the second time in a month someone hit me."
"Mam--"
"Ok, I'm coming to pick it up, I'm not far." Click.
          Speechless.


I truly believe that what these people really need is a shrink. And a good one at that.
     Someone who will tell them they will still live another day if they have an ache in their ear, shoulder, knee, back, etc, and don't get seen at the doctor's until the next day. Someone who will tell them that the world will not end if they have to wait 10 minutes to refill their med's. Someone who will tell them that doctor's are not magicians, and receptionist's not their wand.