Selflessness

My dad asked me the other day what I like to write about the most. It didn’t take me very long to respond—relationships . I find them fascinating. I would write a research paper on them and not cry or procrastinate.  There’s just something amazing about how two people—two completely different people—can connect on such a powerful level and then call it love. One day I will write a book about love and relationships and title it, “Everyone should fall in love, get married, and have babies,” but for now, a blog will have to do.  

He was confused about my answer. He asked, “How much can you write about relationships?” I said lots—what makes a relationship work, what doesn’t work—but he stopped me before I could go on. He told me the key to a successful relationship was simple, “Selflessness.” My dad insisted that if you’re selfish, it’s impossible to be in relationship, and that’s that. Case closed.  To make his point clearer he offered an example about my mom. He shared that a few nights prior, at 12pm, when the light had been turned off and the covers were already warm, my mom asked for water. He was exhausted from working the entire day, and just wanted to stay nestled in bed. The thought of walking down the steps was painful. But, if he didn’t go, it would mean he was selfish. He knew my mom didn’t feel well all day and didn’t have any energy to get up. So, he forced himself out of bed and into the refrigerator. It was a small example, but it stuck with me. Selflessness.

Then I thought about my own relationship. I thought about how even though we’ve been together for over a year now, I’m still trying to learn how to be a girlfriend(don’t these things come with a handbook?) I thought you just fell in love, and then lived happily ever after. No one told me I had to do anything. This is my first relationship that has lasted over a month, cut me a break people. It’s a whole other world. Now all of a sudden I have to think about someone other than myself—who came up with this idea? Ok, confession. There are times when I could easily have gone for a nice long nap, instead of going out to dinner or to the movies or to wherever our imaginations take us. But I passed, because I wanted to make time for Jon, despite my delirium. There are times when I could have said,” I’m too tired to listen to your complaints because I’m too busy thinking of mine.” But instead, I listened—really listened. There are times when I could have stayed in and caught up with some of my favorite TV shows that I’ve missed (thanks a ton grad school),  instead of going to his house and spending time with his family. Instead, I said “I’d love to,” because his family is largely responsible for the amazing person he is today. All that time I thought I was just doing what a good girlfriend is supposed to do.But then my dad put it so simply, “Selflessness.” I think he’s on to something.